Councillors in Arcachon have this week announced that the town’s statue of Heracles will be given a prosthetic penis. They are said to have faced, erm, stiff opposition to the move.

Oh, titter ye not. This is serious stuff.

Ever since the 3-metre high statue of the Greek god was – forgive me – erected in 1948, vandals have kept snapping off his manhood. Each time, it has duly been replaced.

However, since the last theft, the cash-strapped mairie has been in a bite of a dilemma over what to do. So Heracles – or Héraclès, in French – has been left standing somewhat less than proud in the south-west town’s Parc Mauresque.

“I wouldn’t want anyone – not even my worst enemies – to go through what happens to this statue,” Mayor Yves Foulon told the Sud Ouest newspaper (whose photo I have borrowed).

After thinking long and hard, they and their fellow, er, members of the council have decided to fit Heracles with a removable penis. It fits onto a metal spike and will be displayed on special occasions only.

Heracles himself was said to have been happy to whip out his actual penis with much greater frequency. Indeed, it is claimed he slept with more than 50 women in just one night – the 51 daughters of King Thespios.

He was the son of Zeus and Alcmene, and of all of the Greek heroes, he is considered the most perfect example of masculinity.

This isn’t the first time his statue has had to be, ahem, touched up. The sculptor, Claude Bouscau, reportedly had to reduce Heracles’ manhood not once, but twice. It was, locals claimed, “too big”.

23 Apr This entry was published on Saturday, 23 April 2016 at 07:59. It’s filed under News and politics, Places and people and tagged Arcachon Bay. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.